Self-esteem

Self-esteem is your sense of worth as a person. It is usually distinguished from self-confidence, which is more about whether you trust your ability to perform in different situations.

Self-esteem comes from within: what you think of yourself, independent of other people's approval. Self-confidence comes more from the outside. It grows with recognition from others and with managing what you take on.

Strong self-esteem combined with good self-confidence gives a stable foundation and a rich life. When you know inside that you are worth exactly as much even when you fail, you dare to challenge yourself, and to prioritise recovery when you need it. With good self-confidence you see setbacks as challenges rather than failures. Good self-esteem makes you less vulnerable to circumstances and less dependent on what other people think of you.

Self-esteem is laid down in childhood. It is built when you feel loved and receive recognition and appreciation regardless of achievement. Growing up in a safe environment without aggression and threats matters. Being allowed to develop at your own pace helps too.

Weak self-esteem is often compensated for with what is called achievement-based self-esteem. As long as you perform in chosen parts of life, you feel good about yourself. Perhaps you are a high achiever at work and a perfect parent. You always show up for your friends and never say no to a social occasion.

Constantly performing and driving yourself like this often leads, sadly, to collapse of one kind or another. When you can no longer keep up what gives you worth, your whole self-image fails and you land in a crisis. That is because you lack a self-esteem that comes from within. Your worth depends on circumstances and achievements. Low self-esteem also makes you more vulnerable to depression, worry, anxiety and exhaustion.

The good news is that self-esteem can be built. You can find love for yourself and see your worth entirely independent of what you achieve, so that achievement gets a healthier place and role in life: you perform because you want to, and whatever the outcome you feel just as well. Then a lightness and a relief settle in.

On Vitalisera's courses in self-knowledge and inner leadership you spend seven days on Aspö by lake Båven going deep into thoughts, feelings and needs. You look back at your childhood and at your relationship with yourself and the world around you. In a safe, held setting, with experienced course leaders and assistants, you are invited into a process to find that inner security, strength, joy and love.

Step 1 is the foundation and requires no previous experience, and courses have been held in this form since 1985.